October 21, 2011,
Glioblastoma multiforme is a grade IV tumor. This means that these are aggressive tumors that spread to adjacent healthy brain tissue.
10% chance of survival only with an extensive and dangerous treatment process.
October 21, 2012
It was dark this morning, the house was quiet and I couldn’t sleep. So I put the coffee on, checked my email, waited for LJ to wake up and couldn’t help but sit in the dark and think. 365 days. 52 weeks, 12 months, 1 year.
12 rounds of chemo, 4 MRI’s, 2 brain surgeries, 1 stem cell harvest, 1 separation.
None of us can predict where we will be in a year, though we all have hopes and dreams, 5 year plans and goals. Our family was no different. We had hopes, and dreams and we had a best case scenario. Unfortunately for us, we were also forced to have a worst.
Today, we recognize the struggle and remember the pain. Today we wonder why us, but are beyond thankful for the days we have had. Today we acknowledge that although we have come so far, our journey is far from over. But most of all, my sweet girl, today, like every day, we celebrate you. You, our Miracle of Miracles. Our singing, dancing, laughing, loving, kissing, hugging, cancer fighting machine.
My words evade me as I sit here, thinking of a way to explain to you how you have changed lives. How you have changed my life. I typed, deleted, retyped.. and words just didn’t seem to do it justice.
A year ago we chose to keep you for as long as we could, we chose to pump your body full of drugs, we chose to let strangers cut your head open, twice, we chose to put you through hell, in hopes we could be the 1 out of 10, the minority, the 10%. Not only did we choose this because we couldn’t bare the thought of losing you, but we chose this because we know YOU. You’re carefree and relaxed like your father, and stubborn as hell like your mother. We knew that if you could choose, you would want to fight. So that’s the choice we made.
One Year ago today, we chose to fight to keep you.
I promise you, that with all the years to come, through everything we may encounter, I will always be with you. You have given me a reason to live an honest, integral and full life. You have given me hope and light in complete darkness. I may not always be by your side my babe, but my song is in your heart, as yours is in mine.
No one could have predicted your will to live, your lust for life, and your impact on everyone surrounding you near and far. No one could have predicted your tolerance for potent drugs being coursed throughout your body, and your ability to recover from brain surgery. No one could have predicted your success, and yet here we stand with amazing results and with YOU. A lot can happen in a year, and no one who has witnessed your battle will take that for granted again.
You are inspiring. You are Beautiful. You are Loved.
With every thing I have, with all the love in my heart and soul, thank you for being you.
“When I look into your eyes
it’s like watching the night sky
or a beautiful sunrise
There’s so much they hold.
And just like them old stars
I see that you’ve come so far
to be right where you are
how old is your soul?
I wont give up on us.
even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up.”
I wont give up -Jason Mraz