A Nightmare. Asleep and awake.
I had a dream. A cold room. Metal everywhere. Lilee. Still. I hovered over myself at her side. Holding her lifeless hand. Wondering how I could possibly let go. My baby. My little girl. Gone from this body. This face. Those hands. No longer warm. So soft. So gentle. So gone. How would I ever have the strength to let …
Surrounded. Alone.
Friday March 5th. I fumbled through the description of the day before to my social worker/counsellor/friend, as she was away for our meeting. With tired eyes, and a tried heart, I explained our unimaginably difficult decision and its time sensitivity. Who am I, I said, to say that someone’s quality of life is worth risking for a quantity beneficial to …
Numb.
Numb. Mind and body. I felt nothing this morning, just went through the motions. Then, As we were driving, I noticed the sun slowly creeping up in my rear view mirror. A pang of panic shivered through my body and the desperation to run consumed me. Fight the sunrise I thought to myself. Don’t let it reach you. From February …
The Four ‘D’s
Denial. Devastation. Desperation. Determination. Denial: Two weeks ago Andrew and I walked out of Children’s Hospital, Our daughter by our side, with shattered hearts and racing minds. This can’t be happening. It can’t be tumor again. Not her. Not us. We’re the 10%. We’re the miracle. This can’t be happening. An unstoppable flow of tears accompanied us on the seemingly …
Let It Snow..
As the snow slowly creeps down the mountains and a few flakes fall from the sky, I find my self saying “I WANT SNOW!” Me? Want snow? Down here? I used to be of the mind that snow belonged on the mountain where I had a board, not a car.. But this year is different; My initial thought was for …
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